2008.11.24: And Justice for Null (or, Pardon Me, Mr. President)

Our top story, scumbag President pardons whole bunch of scumbags. Soon-to-be-unemployed President Bush flexed his flabby presidential muscle today and issued
pardons to a bunch of scumbags that ought to be rotting in prison. Drum roll please...

Leslie Owen Collier, Charleston, MO. Collier was convicted for unauthorized use of a pesticide and violating the Bald and Golden Eagle Protection Act.

Milton Kirk Cordes, Rapid City, SD. Cordes was convicted of conspiracy to violate the Lacey Act, which prohibits importation into the country of wildlife taken in
violation of conservation laws.

Richard Micheal Culpepper, Mahomet, IL. Big Dick was convicted of making false statements to the federal government.

Brenda Jean Dolenz-Helmer, Fort Worth, TX. Brenda was convicted of reporting or helping cover up a crime.

Andrew Foster Harley, Falls Church, VA. Harley was convicted of wrongful use and distribution of cocaine and marijuana.

Obie Gene Helton, Rossville, GA. In addition to having a really stupid name, Obie was convicted of unauthorized acquisition of food stamps.

Carey C. Hice Sr., Travelers Rest, SC. Hice's specialty was income tax evasion.

Geneva Yvonne Hogg, Jacksonville, FL. Miss piggy was convicted of bank embezzlement.

William Hoyle McCright Jr., Midland, TX. McCright was sentenced for making false entries, statements, books, or reports to a bank.

Paul Julian McCurdy, Sulphur, OK. McDirty was sentenced for misapplication of bank funds.

Robert Earl Mohon Jr., Grant, AL. Moron was convicted of conspiracy to distribute marijuana.

Ronald Alan Mohrhoff, Los Angeles, CA. Morhoff was convicted for unlawful use of a telephone in a narcotics felony. Allegedly he tried to snort the telephone.

Daniel Figh Pue III, Conroe, TX. Pue was convicted of illegal treatment, storage, and disposal of a hazardous waste without a permit.

Orion Lynn Vick, White Hall, AK. Vick was convicted of aiding and abetting the theft of government property.

President Bush, who has always had a soft spot for blow users, also commuted the prison sentences of
John Edward Forte of North Brunswick, NJ, and James
Russell Harris
of Detroit, MI. Both scumbags were convicted of cocaine offenses.

Remember, if you see any of these idiots crossing the street, you don't have to stop. Sure, you might be convicted for the crime, but then again, you might just be
All material copyright © 1996-2009 David Yurkovich and Dianne Pearce.
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